Ah, long-distance relationships! Aren't they just the best? (contains irony). You've got the never-ending video calls, the constant yearning, and the occasional pang of jealousy. But fear not, dear reader, for I have discovered the secret sauce to surviving this torturous love affair: self-love. And it's as easy as pie (said no one ever).

Let’s start with Tim Urban, the king of procrastination. He once said that procrastination was the thief of time. After careful consideration and a few too many Netflix marathons, I realized this profound wisdom applied not only to my unfinished college assignments but also to my self-love journey. Who knew?

Next, let's get some butterflies into the mix. You know, those pesky little critters that flutter around your stomach when your beloved's face appears on your screen? As it turns out, those butterflies aren't trying to sabotage your love life; they're actually here to remind you to love yourself. How convenient!

After the winged creatures, enters Esther Perel, relationship guru extraordinaire. Her teachings about self-love and individuality are what every long-distance couple needs. She'll teach you that your self-worth is not measured by the number of "I miss you" texts you receive but by how much love you can shower upon yourself. Mind-blowing, right?

Lastly, let's add my partner into my final life remix. He comes from a broken home, which means his cuddle tank is emptier than a college student's fridge. So, as the thoughtful and loving partner I am, I set a condition: he had to do therapy and work on himself. Because everyone knows that the foundation of a healthy relationship is a good dose of ultimatums, am I right?

To bridge the chasm that separated us, we splurged on Bond Touch bracelets. These magical gadgets allowed us to send a little buzz of love to each other. Nothing says "I love you" like a gentle electric shock — said Thomas Edison. Many times I wondered if there was a way to increase the vibration level, which is for all accounts gentle and soothing, to something more akin to a small explosive. But the butterflies, the therapy, Tim Urban and Esther Perel have all worked their magic.

I find this journey of self-love both hilarious and humbling. It's as challenging as teaching a cat to bake a lasagna, but every step brings me closer to mastering the art of self-love and creating a stronger bond with my partner. So, buckle up and embrace the sarcasm. I’m sure your LDR relationship is no different. It’s a rollercoaster of long-distance love, procrastination and self-discovery. Enjoy!