There are five Love Languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Receiving Gifts. This is second first part in a series where I will look at these love languages, and talk about how to survive long distance for each one. Today I’m focusing on people whose Love Language is Quality Time and what it means for them to be in a Long Distance Relationship (or LDR, for short).
Quality time is fairly self explanatory.
It’s spending time together where the central goal is to be together, often with no secondary goal. This can mean time in which screens are away, and there’s good conversation, or where you’re in close proximity doing the same thing like reading or doing a puzzle.
Where most people get into trouble is the quality part of quality time. This means it isn’t really enough to just be in each other's proximity, you have to be there with the intention and goal of being there together.
Imagine if you agree to just spend time reading next to each other. It might not seem super important. But it’s the intention of doing that together that makes it quality time.
What if your Long Distance Relationship’s Love Language is Quality Time?
Quality time gets harder in long distance relationships, but so do most things.
Time together is limited so when you are together you really have to make it count. I know I’m stating the obvious here but being together when you can is incredibly important to making any long distance relationship work. Let alone one with someone whose Love Language is Quality Time.
But, how helpful would this really be if I just told you to spend time together whenever possible?
Not at all.
Let’s look at ways to show your love even from far away.
The first place to turn to is of course the virtual world. There are so many unique LDR date ideas. There are extensions and apps that can let you watch TV together, or you can connect over two person video games. It doesn’t take much research to find places in the virtual world to connect and spend time together, but remember our key is to spend Quality time together, which means setting the right intentions.
Let’s say you have a standing time set to watch a show or movie together (- if you don’t I highly recommend you set up a time).
There are lots of ways to turn this into quality time rather than just time.
1: Focus is a key ingredient of Quality Time
Don’t use any devices besides what you’re using to watch and talk on. If you need to fiddle or have other distractions get a fidget toy, draw, or do a puzzle.
The point is to be as in the moment as possible.
1: Share great experiences…
Order or make the same kind of food. That way you can do dinner and a show even virtually.
Doesn’t even have to be fancy, you can zoom and eat the same thing together, or watch a movie and both eat popcorn so you’re sharing the experience.
3: … and share not-so-great experiences
Do your chores together. Do you both have laundry? Call and chat while you each fold. Going grocery shopping? Call during that! Help each other decide what kind of cereal to get.
The best way to fit in quality time when you’re away is just to share in simple everyday experiences whenever possible. It’s not perfect, and It’s not gonna solve every problem, but being as intentional with your time together as possible is going to help reassure your long distance love that you appreciate them and the time you spend together.
Now, if you’re in a long distance relationship with someone whose love language is quality time, there are some things for you to keep in mind. The most important thing is to communicate with your LDR.
Check with them if they need time to do something intentional together, invite them to just sit in virtual space together doing your own thing.
If you are both putting in the effort, the time you spend together can be just as important whether it’s online or in person.